They say, “It’s the faithful who knows the trivial side of Love; it’s the faithless who knows Love’s tragedies.” What does this statement reflect? By the way, I was looking through Reader’s Digest when I chanced upon this.
So what if the faithless knows Love’s tragedies; what is the big deal? Even after knowing Love’s tragedies, can you even reverse / undo the situation? Face it. What has happened already happened. They always say, “Learn from Experience”. What crap! So what if I have learnt? Can I go back to the past? I wished all that did not even happen. I have been living in the shadows of the past since x years ago. That remained a fact. I presume I have hidden my true self relatively well. I have performed relatively well in School, Work and even socially. However, who would know the truth behind all this? I guess, only I know. People – my friends, lecturers, acquaintances – they view me as a strong individual. I had no problems dealing with situations and I was adaptable to things around me, given time. They have high expectations of me and whatever I do. Having said all that? Would they know that I am just another individual who have my ups and downs. I make mistakes too. I have emotions as well.
I made this mistake. A mistake that was never meant to be; never in my life had I been so blinded, so fooled by the beautiful side of a relationship. Yes, even though it didn’t work out in the end, the time and phase of that relationship made me sink in even further. But at least, not until I met her. To me, she was a paragon of virtue, an epitome of perfection. I didn’t really bother what people had to say about her. To another, she wasn’t any fairy from heaven; but to me, she was even better than that. At least I knew, she was there for me – at the time when I was at my rock-bottom, to grace me, to be my pillar of support. I am grateful for all that she has done for me. She might not think so, but this is always the case. Whatever you have done for somebody else, you might think nothing of it. But to that person receiving it, it means the world to him. She was an individual that I would do anything for her – within reasonable means. Almost every other night, as I lay down, eyes closed – all I could see was images of the past. And each time, deep regret fills me, tears trickled. I thought to myself, why didn’t I see the facts that remained so clear to me x years ago? Why was I so blinded, so stupid? Why did I not find out what she felt that time? That’s what I hate. From acquaintances to friends to good friends and now this. Truthfully, I am afraid, very afraid. I do not want to lose this friendship. I don’t want things to turn awkward if it really did not work out; even though I personally feel that it would not reach that stage. I have reached this point in life, and I dare to say, I have seen and experienced things that many people claim that they have too, but theoretically only.
I am in Sydney, with my friends. But that feeling is so different. Just a week ago, we were heading up to Canberra from Sydney by a CountryLink train. During the journey, I saw sights. Sights that pictured my ideal kind of life; to spend the rest of my life there with my family and you. To lie back on those lush greeneries, scenic views that money cannot buy - that countryside lifestyle. At that very point, all I could was wished that you were here with me. You have very much loved the same kind of life that I would love to lead; we could possibly do that, till the end of time. And do you know that, all my days in Sydney – all those places I went, those sceneries, the environment – how I wished you were here, even if it was just for a day.
