HEY!! Exams.. ONE MORE PAPER!! hahas... So happy sia~ Today was Physical Chemistry. Couldn't do a few MCQs (maybe about 5 or so?), but managed to scrape through Sec B la...

My Statistics:

Subjects ..................... % of Passing ...... % of a B or Higher
Molecular Biotech .................. 95% ............................. 45%
Physical Chemistry .............. 100% ............................ 70%
Inorganic Chemistry .............90% .............................. 65%
Mathematics ......................... 95% ........................... <>
MicroBiologyA ...................... NA ..................................NA
Comm. Skills ....................... 100% .............................. 75%
Alternative Medicine .......... 85% ............................ <>
BioEngineering ................... 100% .............................. 20%


Those are what I estimated la... Hope would be better, not for worse la... Calculated based on what I know and do not know during the exams... hahas...

Today was Math paper. wha... really re-enactment of GCE O Levels man! Same feeling, same layout, only that we were not in school uniform la... hahas. well, should not be a problem to pass the paper but it's only difficult to score well. hais. 25 marks gone with the wind. darn it.

never mind, wednesday would be inorganic chemistry... gotta try my best liao... hahas. anyway, what is isomerism?

same chemical formula / composition but with different arrangement of atoms.

I felt so crushed. It was the first time in my life that I felt this way. WHY?! Well, I sincerely hope that it would be better this way, for the both of us too. Perhaps it's retribution for me. For those who have known me since Pri6 and those from Sec 1 to 4 buddies, I needn't spell further. Through this period till now, I do not know of how many "papers" I signed, as claimed by one of my brothers in NCHS... =D Nothing to be proud of too la.

Exams are coming. I pray that I would be able to at least get a B in everything. Because, this is the only time that I did not really put effort into my work. hais. I just could not find the concentration too la.

Let me try to re-cap what was taught the past months.

Physical Chemistry:
Thermodynamics, Thermochemistry, Gases, pH acids bases, Equilibrium, Electrochem, Radioactivity. yea, should be about there... Formulas? Theories? Practicals? ahhh!!!!

Inorganic Chemistry:
I haven't really scored well in this la...

MicroBiology A:
CRAPS! MYCOLOGY SARKS!

But, I LOVE PRACTICALS!! wohoos!~ lols.

COME ON!!!

30 August, Please arrive faster!!!

I MUST START STUDYING!!! ARIGH!

Yesterday was a frightening day for me though. I was rushed to SGH's Accident and Emergency Dept at night. I suddenly had difficulty breathing and I could not feel any pulse rate that instant. When I reached SGH, I prayed so hard that nothing would go wrong. On the way in the taxi, Mum tried comforting me in many ways she could. Though I knew she was worried sick too. I myself couldn't believe it too. As she related to me, tears trickled down my cheeks. I only controlled myself from a breakdown. First, Dad left us early last year. Now, this. I prayed that nothing would go wrong in A&E. I could not suffer any more setbacks. I really could not take it anymore. Also, I could not bear to let those around me suffer and worry about me anymore.

We were utterly surprised that the doctor on duty was Mum's cousin. It came as a shock too ya. An ECG and Radiology was immediately conducted. When I was called in to view the results again, I wasn't even prepared for the worst. Luckily, both reports showed good results and a referral was given by him to the ENT dept. At that point, I was elated with joy. Next was suspected sighness.

This morning, we went to a reknowned chinese doctor in Chinatown. Have to take his medication for a week and see if there's any improvement. If not, would have to go to ENT for 2nd radiology and laproscopy.

Sometimes, or in fact most of the time, I feel that I am the luckiest person on earth to have so many people caring for me and my family. Now, as I pen my thoughts, I could not help but control my tears...

It's been a long time since I last logged in to pen my thoughts. So many things have happened over the past 2 years, and it has definitely left a very deep impression in me. As I pen this entry, I couldn't help but let tears trickle down my cheek. All sorts of feelings welling up my mind.

EDUCATION

Exams are coming up in a week's time too. Feeling so stressed out over those core modules. Blame it on me of wanting to take up science as my field of study. =S I hope that I have learnt to let go of all my thoughts. I must tell myself that as long as I have done my best, nothing else matters. Afterall, the attitude towards education is the learning process itself, not only results. What Mr. Saifudin said was absolutely correct. So what is you get a PhD? So what is you are only a diploma holder? It lies all in your attitude towards it. Therefore, it is my wish, that even if I do not get the results I expect, may I obtain the knowledge in the process of learning. Many people have the perceived me to be the study-all-day kid, but they should not jump to conclusions in the first place. Do they ever feel pressured since they were in Primary and all the way to Secondary school? I was placed in such an environment that if you lag, you are OUT! Coming to a polytechnic was really a culture shock for me. Perhaps what Ms. Lee said was right, I WAS NEVER SUITED FOR A POLY LIFE! aRiGh!~


MY LIFE

Yesterday, while I was at CBBS helping out in the prayers of Ulmbana festival, I suddenly realised the importance of filial piety. It has been two years since I lost 2 very important people in my life. In fact, everyone who has come into part of my life is important, but... As I read through the "Fundamental Vows of Ksitigarbha Bodhisatvva", many things in life came to light. What your parents' have done for you, from the day you were born, till now, they have never stopped worring for you, planning for you. Never mind your parents' incessant naggings, their countless scoldings or beatings you have endured, just remember that no parent would want their child to be led astray. All that they have done if for their child's own good. Repay their kindness as soon as possible. Every second in life that has passed means that all of us are aging too. Do not wait till everything is too late.
I have used to hate those scoldings from my dad, and I used to scold him behind his back. How I regretted those childish, insolence acts of mine! Now, all I can, is to reminisce about the past. Therefore, my vow before Lord Ksitigarbha would be, to repay all the kindness and love my parents' showered on me even though I know that even many kalpas would not suffice. And, if I fail to accomplish it, may I fall into Avaci after my time. I strongly recommend all people, regardless of whatever religion, to at least read the Filial Piety Sutra ONCE. Just ONCE is enough.


Another person whom I have lost is *her*. I can only blame myself for plight I am in today. She was there for me in my worst moments of my life. She was there to grace me when I fell. She was there to be my pillar of strength in my life. It was my stupidity, my over-cautiousness, my jealousy that led to today's me. She have never bothered about what people said about me, vice versa. How on earth could I have led her down?!

If you are reading this, please know that my actions towards you were all part of my stupidity. Here I am, seeking your forgiveness even if it means my life. Whatever may be, may be. What will be, would be. If you have truly found your happiness, be aware that I will always be there for you. I know that it is near impossible for me to return all you have done for me. Please do, should you encounter any difficulties in life, be aware that I shall be there to grace you, to support you.

I have loved you once, and now, I will love you forever.

You once said nothing is forever, and I agreed. But now, I am going to take back my words of agreeing with you. I believe in eternal bliss. What we possess now, is just a shell. What is more important is the mindful thoughts. Even through thousands of life cycle, I believe in fate and that the connection will still be there.

I am not hoping that I will gain your sympathy. Just know that whatever I said comes from the bottom of my heart. If the day I die, and you chance upon this entry, I will be happy though. All I ask for, is for you to read this entry and this be known... ...