EDUCATION
Exams are coming up in a week's time too. Feeling so stressed out over those core modules. Blame it on me of wanting to take up science as my field of study. =S I hope that I have learnt to let go of all my thoughts. I must tell myself that as long as I have done my best, nothing else matters. Afterall, the attitude towards education is the learning process itself, not only results. What Mr. Saifudin said was absolutely correct. So what is you get a PhD? So what is you are only a diploma holder? It lies all in your attitude towards it. Therefore, it is my wish, that even if I do not get the results I expect, may I obtain the knowledge in the process of learning. Many people have the perceived me to be the study-all-day kid, but they should not jump to conclusions in the first place. Do they ever feel pressured since they were in Primary and all the way to Secondary school? I was placed in such an environment that if you lag, you are OUT! Coming to a polytechnic was really a culture shock for me. Perhaps what Ms. Lee said was right, I WAS NEVER SUITED FOR A POLY LIFE! aRiGh!~
MY LIFE
Yesterday, while I was at CBBS helping out in the prayers of Ulmbana festival, I suddenly realised the importance of filial piety. It has been two years since I lost 2 very important people in my life. In fact, everyone who has come into part of my life is important, but... As I read through the "Fundamental Vows of Ksitigarbha Bodhisatvva", many things in life came to light. What your parents' have done for you, from the day you were born, till now, they have never stopped worring for you, planning for you. Never mind your parents' incessant naggings, their countless scoldings or beatings you have endured, just remember that no parent would want their child to be led astray. All that they have done if for their child's own good. Repay their kindness as soon as possible. Every second in life that has passed means that all of us are aging too. Do not wait till everything is too late.
I have used to hate those scoldings from my dad, and I used to scold him behind his back. How I regretted those childish, insolence acts of mine! Now, all I can, is to reminisce about the past. Therefore, my vow before Lord Ksitigarbha would be, to repay all the kindness and love my parents' showered on me even though I know that even many kalpas would not suffice. And, if I fail to accomplish it, may I fall into Avaci after my time. I strongly recommend all people, regardless of whatever religion, to at least read the Filial Piety Sutra ONCE. Just ONCE is enough.
Another person whom I have lost is *her*. I can only blame myself for plight I am in today. She was there for me in my worst moments of my life. She was there to grace me when I fell. She was there to be my pillar of strength in my life. It was my stupidity, my over-cautiousness, my jealousy that led to today's me. She have never bothered about what people said about me, vice versa. How on earth could I have led her down?!
If you are reading this, please know that my actions towards you were all part of my stupidity. Here I am, seeking your forgiveness even if it means my life. Whatever may be, may be. What will be, would be. If you have truly found your happiness, be aware that I will always be there for you. I know that it is near impossible for me to return all you have done for me. Please do, should you encounter any difficulties in life, be aware that I shall be there to grace you, to support you.
I have loved you once, and now, I will love you forever.
You once said nothing is forever, and I agreed. But now, I am going to take back my words of agreeing with you. I believe in eternal bliss. What we possess now, is just a shell. What is more important is the mindful thoughts. Even through thousands of life cycle, I believe in fate and that the connection will still be there.
I am not hoping that I will gain your sympathy. Just know that whatever I said comes from the bottom of my heart. If the day I die, and you chance upon this entry, I will be happy though. All I ask for, is for you to read this entry and this be known... ...
~*Love lies in the eyes of the beholder*~
